Monster's Musings

Tonight was by far the worst experience I’ve had at the cinema in a long time, and it’s enough to convince me to save my money and download movies when they come out. Reasons?

1) Pricing - I went tonight because it was cheap, $5.75 is actually cheaper in $ than a UK ticket is in £’s. However the popcorn/drink prices? Fucking ridiculous, especially considering I only pay 90% because I have a SCENE card!

2) People’s seating arrangements - Nothing annoys me more than leaving gaps of one seat between you and the next people so that there ends up being five or six empty seats in a row but all single seats. I’m pretty sure that person isn’t going to molest you so move your ass over so I can get a decent seat.

3) People and technology - Most movies average about 90-120 minutes. That’s two hours. If you can’t go two hours without taking your phone out then you have a problem. Cinemas need to implement removals for people who use phones during movies.

4) Idiots - During tonights performance there was a bunch of youths who all wandered in together, sat down and then proceeded to play what I can only describe as musical chairs. They were constantly getting up and walking out then coming back in and sitting in different seats. They would wander around down the front as well which is incredibly distracting.

5) Cinema Attendants - The new thing for cinemas to do is have an attendant wander around the theatre every 10-15 to check for people recording. While that’s obviously in their interests they should be more concerned with things like the idiots above and phone use. I don’t mind paying to go see a movie, even if it is shit. But if I can’t focus on the movie because people are arseing around then I am not going to go back and your negligence has pushed me to piracy. This is what movie studios should be focusing on, make the cinema experience enjoyable and I will go.

6) The film itself - I was looking forward to Haywire from the previews and even though the reviews haven’t been great, most of them have faulted the lead actress but said the action sequences rescue the film. I couldn’t disagree more. The lead actress while not being great is at least decent and does well with what she’s handed. The great action sequences? Practically non-existent. I think there was probably three fight scenes the entire movie and they weren’t anything memorable. The film was clearly trying to mimic The Bourne Identity but with a femme fatale. It fails miserably. The story? M.I.A. Scenes go on far longer than needed and yet the film is only ninety minutes long but those ninety minutes feel dragged.

7) Ewan McGregor’s accent - Why has nobody told this man he cannot do an American accent?

The only thing I liked about this movie was the fight scene at the end which I was convinced was filmed on the beach at Dornoch but apparently wasn’t. If anyone who has been there sees the film you’ll know what I mean and why I thought that. The rocks look identical!